As I was driving to choir tonight, trying to warm up and dealing yet again with awful jaw pain, I suddenly realized that I need to take a break. I really felt like the only thing I could do was go and talk to one of our presidents, turn in my music, and come back home. I'm feeling incredibly sad and I don't know how I will cope without much singing in my life. I also don't know what sort of treatment I'm going to need. But thanks to my voice teacher, I have the name of a trustworthy doctor who completely fixed terrible TMJ problems for a former student of hers, and hallelujah, he even takes my insurance, so I will be calling tomorrow and hoping for an appointment soon. It may mean surgery - I just don't know right now. I do know that I need my life back - not only can I not sing, I can't eat without pain, I can hardly talk, I have headaches all the time, and I'm just miserable. It's really time to put this behind me. I feel God's hand leading me and I take great comfort in that. The thought of not having to deal with this every day anymore makes me feel hopeful.
I'm sure I am going to throw all my energy (well, whatever is left after work and housework and kids) into cards now - that is something that is not affected by jaw pain, thank goodness! I think I'm going to sign up for my first craft fair, which is happening Nov. 17, and that makes me feel hopeful too.