Monday, September 17, 2007

A sad day for me

As I was driving to choir tonight, trying to warm up and dealing yet again with awful jaw pain, I suddenly realized that I need to take a break. I really felt like the only thing I could do was go and talk to one of our presidents, turn in my music, and come back home. I'm feeling incredibly sad and I don't know how I will cope without much singing in my life. I also don't know what sort of treatment I'm going to need. But thanks to my voice teacher, I have the name of a trustworthy doctor who completely fixed terrible TMJ problems for a former student of hers, and hallelujah, he even takes my insurance, so I will be calling tomorrow and hoping for an appointment soon. It may mean surgery - I just don't know right now. I do know that I need my life back - not only can I not sing, I can't eat without pain, I can hardly talk, I have headaches all the time, and I'm just miserable. It's really time to put this behind me. I feel God's hand leading me and I take great comfort in that. The thought of not having to deal with this every day anymore makes me feel hopeful.

I'm sure I am going to throw all my energy (well, whatever is left after work and housework and kids) into cards now - that is something that is not affected by jaw pain, thank goodness! I think I'm going to sign up for my first craft fair, which is happening Nov. 17, and that makes me feel hopeful too.


Susan said...

aside from vocal nodes, tmj is one of the scariest things a singer can face. research and treatment has come a long way in recent years, and i hope this doctor you are planning to see is able to help you (certainly sounds promising). as a semi-professional singer, i understand the sadness that comes with "laying out." two years ago, i contracted pertussis and spent many, many months resting and recovering. i was so discouraged and frustrated--i'm not used to cancelling or refusing engagements. but in the end, i became a stronger singer. sometimes rest is a good thing. i wish you good health and a very speedy recovery.

Hysteri-CAL said...

I have TMJ. I had several teeth removed because I used to 'grind' my teeth in my sleep ... and I also got fitted for a gum shield. I've had the shield for about 6 months now, and must say that it has certainly helped the condition.

I hope you get treated quickly and resume your singing ASAP.

Hugs - Cal xx (UK)